Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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