Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
