Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
