come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
