that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
