So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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