Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
