At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
