Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
