I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
