Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
