Where are you?
In a non slutty way
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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