Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Nicole vs. Life
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
