Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
