very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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