Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
