I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
