I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
