i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize