not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
