she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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