your thong is hanging out like whoa
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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