Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
