Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
