You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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