Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
