Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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