brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Two words: blizzard sex
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
