none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
