But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
