When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
