Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
