hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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