Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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