I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
