she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
