why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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