k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
