I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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