Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
