How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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