lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
