Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So squirting runs in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize