Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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