So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
