this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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