so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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