can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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