Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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