Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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