Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
