there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
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who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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