This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
