Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
