Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
