um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
