He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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