Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
