Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
