Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
