i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
