we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
