Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
