We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
