Hey man sorry I got all grabby
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
