girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
splinters make it hard to masturbate
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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