I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize