Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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