At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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