I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
