Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize