No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
