Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're a waste of cheezeits
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
