I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
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