I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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