It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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