ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
