Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
