Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
