Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
