hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up