If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
