i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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