why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
