u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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