Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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