Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we're making bets on your personal life
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
