bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
